By Dad After IVF


Welcome to the second edition of “Links”! At this point it looks like it’s a monthly feature. But, hopefully someday soon I’ll get my act together enough to make it biweekly. Again, the goal here is to share the latest from Resolve New England (RNE), and see what’s happening out in the world of fertility.

First up, RNE has a program called Connect & Learn Seminars. They’re a great resource to learn more about a specific topic, and also a way to connect with other people who are going through similar experiences.

I’m happy to report that registration for the Spring 2016 Connect & Learn seminar “Adoption, Donor Conception & Surrogacy” is now open. The event will be held Saturday, April 9 from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. at the Wellesley College Club. It features two tracks, as you may have guessed: Adoption, and Donor Conception & Surrogacy. If either looks interesting, you’re in luck, you can bring your +1 for free.

Next, some events that you’ll see highlighted here for a bit longer:

  • Resolve Advocacy Day is May 11, 2016
  • The RNE Walk of Hope is September 18, 2016 at Endicott Estate in Dedham, MA. You can follow @NEWalkofHope on Twitter for more details.

And, speaking of adoption, the RNE blog has a post about the return of the Adoption Community of New England (ACONE). ACONE has a brand new website and are sponsoring a conference on March 12 entitled “Adoption, the Internet and Social Media.”

Here’s an article that hit close to home for me: Facing Fertility from a Father’s Perspective. This dad and his wife had their fertility issues 15 years ago; I can’t imagine what it was like back then. It ends on a particularly nice note: “Now, 15 years after our experience with infertility, we have two teenagers at home, and we rarely have occasion to discuss the challenges we faced in getting pregnant. I’m most frequently reminded at night, when I’m often the last one to bed. As I reach the top of the stairs, I think about the rooms that are now filled – occupied with our kids, and how nice it is.”

As a dad who still goes into the kids’ room before I go to bed and puts my face down close to theirs to make sure they’re breathing, that sentiment really rang true.

Rather than a final link, I have a quick story. (I considered writing the story in a different post, then having a link to it here, just to stay true to the “links” theme. But that seemed like a lot of work.)

I was at a “Large Mart”-type store (do people get that reference? did anyone but me watch “Chuck”?) last week with my 7-month-old twins, when I was approached by a woman in the checkout line. This isn’t unusual; when you have twins, you tend to get a fair amount of “twinerazzi” when you’re out and about. (I’m not complaining, I actually kind of love it.) Also, having twins and being sort of old, I wasn’t surprised by her next question: “Did you do IVF?”

People handle this differently. I generally think that’s a little personal to ask someone as they’re scanning a bunch of frozen vegetables, but something in the way she asked prompted me to be honest. “Yes.”

It turns out that she was having her first egg transfer that weekend, was excitednervous, and we got to chatting. One of her questions stood out: “Did it work for you on your first time?”

I stifled a laugh as I replied, “No, it worked on our SIXTH time… But, just because it took us five years and six tries, doesn’t mean it’ll take you that long. But, if your first try doesn’t work out, there’s still so much reason for hope.”

OK, what I actually said was more like, “First?? Hahaha, six! S-s-s-sixth time!” I don’t think well on my feet. So if you happen to be reading, that’s what I meant to say.

If all went well, you are in the midst of your two-week wait right now. I hope you are feeling great and the TWW isn’t too agonizing. For what it’s worth, I always appreciated that time. You could be hopeful that a cycle worked and allow yourself to think just a little about what having a family would be like. Best of luck.